Throughout history and across the world, people from different cultures and religions have created ceremonies to mark the unique passages that make up our human experience.  As Humanistic Jews we look to the richness of our Jewish heritage, values, and traditions, to add meaning to these celebrations.

Birth Celebrations: 

Humanistic Jews believe that children should be welcomed and their births celebrated regardless of gender.  Historically, Jews deemed the births of female children as less important. Male births were celebrated with brit milla (bris) and pidyon haben.

Humanistic Jews do not perform the pidyon haben for the firstborn male child because its meaning is antithetical to the Humanistic Jewish philosophy.  Historically, Jews believed that the firstborn male child belonged to God.  The purpose of the ceremony was to buy the child back from God’s representative, the priest.

Similarly, many Humanistic Jews, while medically circumcising their male children, do not have a brit milla.  The origin of the ceremony is believed to be sacrificial in nature and symbolic of God’s covenant with the Israelites.  Some Humanistic Jews, however, continue the practice of having a brit milla despite the historical theistic and sexist origins because they find current meaning in the sense of tradition and the sense of kinship it brings with other Jews.  Adat Chaverim supports its members in making this personal choice.  We have life cycle leaders that can officiate at a brit milla ceremony.

Irrespective of a baby’s gender, Humanistic Jews have created significant and meaningful ways to celebrate the birth of a child through child welcoming and baby-naming ceremonies.  Such celebrations help families share their hopes for their children with the community, allows the Jewish community to welcome babies into our large Jewish family, provides an opportunity for parents to name children in English and in Hebrew or Yiddish and to give public expression to the meaning of their children’s names, and affirms the family's’ connection to the Jewish people.

Typically, the birth celebration is held about a month after the baby is born.  Family members are included and affirm their commitment to the baby’s welfare.  A certified leader is helpful but not required.  Adat Chaverim can help create a birth ceremony appropriate to your family’s needs.

Bar Mitzvah:

For Humanistic Jews, a bar or bat mitzvah marks the beginning of the period of adolescence.  It is not a time that a Jewish child becomes an adult.  Rather it is the time a Jewish child begins the journey toward adulthood.  A humanistic bar or bat mitzvah is the public recognition that, like generations of Jewish children past, this child of the congregation now has the capacity and maturity to take on greater responsibility for the decisions that he or she makes. 

Humanistic Jews approach the bar and bat mitzvah time a bit differently than other denominations.  The focal point for each child is to create a process that helps him or her to grow intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually.  When the bar/bat mitzvah year is over, the young adult should feel a greater sense of personal strength and a greater connection to the Jewish people and to humankind.  The ceremony is an endpoint where the community and family come together to celebrate the bar/bat mitzvah’s accomplishments.

Adat Chaverim asks each of its bar and bat mitzvah candidates to choose and complete a series of 13 tasks throughout the course of a year.  These tasks are designed to help students become more familiar with the richness of their Jewish culture and heritage and to support them in participating more fully in their communities.  Students can choose to do the things that most interest them.  They might, for example, perform community service, create Jewish artifacts, visit Jewish museums, attend services for other Jewish denominations, read books by Jewish authors, prepare Jewish holiday meals, and study a Jewish hero.

At the culmination of this course of study, students are free to create a ceremony that will be meaningful to them.  They can take a traditional approach, choosing to read from the Torah and to speak about the personal impact of their Torah portion’s message on their own lives. In a Humanistic bar or bat mitzvah, however, the choice of portion is not determined by the date of the ceremony.  Any Torah portion that a person finds meaningful is an appropriate choice.  Alternatively, the bar or bat mitzvah candidate can present a Jewish hero, design a service around another topic that inspires their lives,  or create an entirely new ceremony that meets his or her particular needs.

Adat Chaverim has a cultural school and mentors available to help children gain the education necessary to prepare for their bar and bat mitzvoth.  We also have a Rabbi and life cycle leaders available to help families design ceremonies that will compliment their Jewish values and identities.

Marriage:

A Humanistic Jewish Ceremony has many of the traditional hallmarks of other Jewish wedding ceremonies with a few exceptions.  A Humanistic ceremony is egalitarian, non-theistic, and affirms the uniqueness of each marriage partner.  The philosophy of Humanistic Judaism places the couple in the center of the wedding ceremony.  Bride and groom are in an equal partnership both in the wedding and in the marriage.  As with other life cycle ceremonies, couples are encouraged to create their own ceremony, using symbols that will be meaningful to them.  Traditional symbols are reinterpreted in a modern, non-theistic way.  A couple may design their own Ketuba (traditionally a barter arrangement for the bride) including special words of love and affirmations to one another.  The huppa, rather than act as a place where the father transfers the bride from his possession to the groom’s, represents the safe haven of the couple’s new home.  Other Jewish traditions like the 7 blessings and the breaking of the glass are given modern interpretations that make sense in the couple’s new life together.

Humanistic Jews also do not require that both members of the couple be Jewish or even that the couple intend to raise their children Jewish.  It is enough that the couple want to married within the Jewish tradition.  Humanistic Jewish clergy are also willing to co-officiate at intermarriage ceremonies in keeping with Humanistic Jewish philosophy.  Adat Chaverim can provide a rabbi to officiate and to help couples design a wedding that will be meaningful to them.

Adoption (Conversion):

A “Humanistic Adoption” is the acceptance of a person born to a non-Jewish mother into the Jewish “family.”  Unlike in other Jewish denominations, however, no conversion or ritual is necessary.  All that is required is the individual’s decision to be Jewish.  Humanistic Jews reject the idea of “conversion” in which a person becomes Jewish by taking on a particular set of beliefs because in reality Jews have no set of shared beliefs by which we can define who is a Jew.

Although not required, a person considering adoption may undertake a course of guided study and introspection in preparation for this life decision.  To add meaning to the event and to welcome new family members, a formal adoption ceremony may also be performed.  Adat Chaverim welcomes anyone wishing to be adopted into the Jewish community to join us.

Death:

As with other denominations of Judaism, Humanistic Jews recognize that death is painful for the survivors.  Memorial ceremonies focus on helping the living accept their loss and find strength in the love and encouragement of friends and family.  Humanistic Jews accept the dignity of the deceased and of death.  They do not believe in mystical forces or stories about the wonderful benefit of death.  Services celebrate the life of the deceased as meaningful, without focus on any hereafter.   Humanistic Jews also believe that any way a person can benefit others, even in death, should be encouraged.  This principle includes the study of disease through autopsy and the donation of body parts for organ transplant.  Adat Chaverim has a Rabbi and life cycle leaders who can assist with memorial services.